I Knit a Boob for Norovember

No, not that boob. This boob. Which wasn't supposed to be a boob at all.

It all started with this pattern. For a teapot cozy fer crissakes. But somewhere on the way from here to there, that train ran off the tracks. And burst into flames. And melted into this. (Let's kill this metaphor, shall we?). So I added one of my nipple rings (now there's a wacky Velma fact for you), and voila!: art.

All this for Norovember. First I did the hat. Then I started the cozy. Here is a nice WIP pic of it, before the derailment (bad, metaphor, bad!), sitting prettily next to my oh-so-lovely red ceramic teapot, both atop my oh-so-vintage oilcloth-clad table. Looks harmless, doesn't it? Au contraire, mon frerettes! Have you seen the "Knitting Disclaimers" post over at Knit and Tonic, wherein c0c0bean waxes poetic on the subject of the alternate-universe theory of patterns coming with disclaimers? My favorite: ""Knit at your own risk; the wacky instant self-striping action of the suggested yarn won't fool you into enjoying the 70 inches of garter stitch." I'd like to add that if only yarn manufacturers would include c0c0bean's disclaimers to their ball bands, knitters everywhere could avoid the dreaded ICSAMOT Syndrome, also known as I-Can't-Stand-Another-Minute-of-This!! (ICSAMOT has been known to degenerate into ICSAMOTFT if not properly treated, which in turn can lead to, horrors, UFOs). I hearby nominate this cozy pattern for the following disclaimer: "Here there be dragons" or "Knit this at your own risk." (Ok, I'm not as creative as she is; you write one, I dare you!).

Now, I am not one to bash other knitters' designs. This was probably due entirely to operator error. So what's my beef about this pattern? Well, for starters, how the hell do you people manage to join 8 stitches in the round on unwieldy dpns? I must have cast on 11 times before I got it right. And how do you get a circle out of this square without gaps at the corners? I've never had this problem with hats, but I've never knitted one top-down, so maybe that's it. But the biggest problem I had was with the stitches pooching up in the middle to create a dome. The cozy bottom (heh, heh, I said "cozy bottom", heh, heh), the cozy bottom is doubled for insulation, and the second one I knit was worse than the first. I think this is because there was an error in the pattern. I'm loathe to say that, but there it is. Every time it called for an increase, and subsequently gave the new number of stitches that each row should have, it was off. I at first assumed that it was my poor math skills, but when the same problem occured with the second one, I figured it must be the pattern. So. This has officially stopped being the cozy and become The Boob. I kind of like it better that way.

Up next: Norovember socks. Stay tuned...

Tags: knitting, handknit, boobs, tits, Norovember, Noro, Kureyon